January 15, 2019
I have allowed myself to completely back track in my mental positive progression this past few weeks. I am back to drinking everyday if I can, I am in no mood to job search, I scare my neighbors with my spontaneous screams (as if I am disfunctioning (SP*) in the moment and do not know what else to do).
I honestly have been feeling like my 16 year old self for the past few months, and it has been so terrifying for not only me, but everyone around.
I spend as much time asleep as I can because I prefer the random dreams that my mind make up, over my reality.
I have fallen for a beautiful boy named Josh from the restaurant, and he breaks my heart without doing anything at all…
Part 2: to come
Love,
A (22)
“Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”— Sylvia Plath
Most important lesson I learned in the past year is, don’t let anyone turn you cruel.
No matter how badly you wanna give the world a taste of its own bitter medicine.
It’s never worth losing yourself over.
(via imaginedbrilliance)
The not okay diaries: August 29th 2018
It is currently 9:49 pm (and counting)… Idk when the last time I showered was and I’m not saying that jokingly at all…. I’m currently about to brush out the severely matted hair… I think it has been at least a week I even bathed or touched my hair… It can now hold it’s own form… But I am scared… This is really going to hurt… it’s a new record…
I am freshly an adult and living on my own for the first time… My school is shutting down. My best friend won’t speak to me. I work 7 days a week. I am a whore… I haven’t showered in at least a week and I am still just a college-aged whore…. If you ever worshipped me, or even loved me… Just know that if you thought I was bad back then.. there’s a whole ‘nother side.
~ sincerely
A
